Please find enclosed a copy of my picture book THE BOY WHO CAUGHT THE BEAUTIFUL, a 681-word fable about a boy who tries to capture the beauty in the world and keep it for himself.
A boy wants nothing more than to escape the grayness of his life, so he decides to trap butterflies. But when he discovers they can’t survive without fresh food, he steals flowers from his neighbors’ gardens to feed his captive pets. He ultimately realizes that his actions have hurt others and that beauty is best when shared.
I have a bachelor’s degree in journalism and am published in the October 2016 issues of Cricket and ASK magazines. I’m also a member of SCBWI and a critique group.
Post by paprlstr8tr on Feb 3, 2017 10:30:31 GMT -5
I like the premise of your book. My question is why the boy is not named, at least in your query? I think it's important to understanding the character.
On the flip side, I can completely envision this being a wordless picture book, maybe illustrated in a sparse pencil style with spot color. Check out "The Only Child" by Guojing if you need a reference for what I mean (although this book is all black and white).
I love love this title, it drew me in immediately. I also can see a lyrical quality to this and imagine the illustrations. I'd just go for a little more specificity here. What is the greyness in his life? I love the idea of colors, I write that way as well, but for the query add a little more. A little boy wants nothing more than to escape the (specific thing) that makes his life grey. He thinks trapping butterflies will add some color, until he realizes they can't live without color either. When he steals flowers from the neighbors gardens to feed his new friends, he realizes his actions have consequences and beauty is best when shared (is the beauty shared referring to the butterflies or the flowers? If it's the flowers, it seems like the lesson is for the neighbors. If it's the butterflies and how he hides them away, then maybe you can reword it to beauty is best not hidden away. Something like that I know I'm being picky, but I love this idea and PB's like this. I wish you the best of luck with it!
Hi! I like your premise as well, and I'm a big fan of fables! I wondered if the boy is necessary to the title at all, extending the metaphore for everyone's need for beauty. But keeping 'the boy' resonates true with a fable. Could see it either way!
Excellent title. Nice, concise description. I like the problem of the story, and believe the moral is important. It was jarring that the boy was not named. If he has no name in the story, I would suggest putting an adjective before "boy" so the reader can create some kind of personal connection or idea of individuality. I would put a verb before "a critique group."
I enjoyed the description and concept of your story, it didn't bother me one bit that the boy wasn't named. I did wonder why his life was gray (perhaps you demonstrate that in the story) and if the moral about beauty is best when shared takes away that grayness in his life. I'm heading off to see if I can find your first 250 words, which shows you I liked it enough to want to read the beginning! Very nice job, thanks for sharing.