In Trout Bend, Alabama, cow tipping wasn’t just a hobby. It was an art form. All the best tippers came from our town: Cletus the Clever, Leroy the Lucky, Gil the Gassy. But the greatest of them all was my best friend, Bubba—better known around these parts as the da Vinci of the Dairy.
Unfortunately, like most great artists, Bubba had started to go a little bit crazy. Actually, scratch that. There was nothing little about it. That kid was nuttier than a pack of rabid squirrels on a cashew binge. I mean, why else would he have dragged me out to Buck Miller’s pasture in the middle of the night?
Gulping hard, I read the cracked wooden sign nailed to Buck’s fence. “Warning: Trespassers will be skinned alive and deep fried.”
A chill rattled my shoulders. “Bubba, are you sure this is a smart idea?”
He laughed as he slipped his round body between a couple strands of barbed wire. “Course it ain’t no smart idea, José. But it’s like my daddy always says, ‘Ain’t nobody ever have any fun bein’ smart.’”
I wanted to point out that nobody had ever been arrested for being smart either, but Bubba didn’t like talking about that. I took a deep breath and shimmied my way through the fence. Once inside, I heard a low hum and noticed a live electric wire making its way to Buck’s house. Deep fried took on a whole new meaning.
Post by paperandink on Feb 3, 2017 11:12:14 GMT -5
Great voice. The main character comes to life, and it's easy to picture him at the barbed wire fence. The last two lines confused me a little: do they have to get past it? (to tip cows, they won't be going near the house) It sounds like the MC is in for quite the adventure.
This really took off for me once Bubba and the mc start talking and I wonder if you might want to eliminate or radically cut the first two paragraph. Do we need to know about the other cow tippers? And do we even need to know yet that what they are attempting is cow tipping? I'd be drawn in just by them trying to get into somewhere they aren't supposed to. I question the line about artists going crazy, it seems like we should see them in the middle of their adventure first before mc starts questioning Bubba's sanity. I can't quite read mc yet. He (( think he) talks about cow-tipping with what sounds like respect but then treats Bubba as crazy, and this seems a bit at odds.
I don't know where it's going but I am sure it's going to be fun!