I find this interesting that Robert blames his left arm for his troubles, but I'm confused as to whether his arm is possessed or what. I do love he calls it lefty! I'm very curious to what is going on and what the deal is.
Be care using using "was", "wasn't", and "were". These are considered waste words, or as one agent called them, lazy verbs. Even I get caught using them because sometimes they just work. But when you can, try to rewrite sentences so that you don't use them.
I can't wait to read more about Lefty tho. You've intrigued me.
Oh man, I feel for this kid! But I agree with the comment above that I can't tell if "lefty" is really acting up on its own or this is a kid who is on the spectrum and can't control his behavior and needs a scapegoat. Obviously, something like that would be addressed in a query or book flap so not necessarily important for you to answer that question within the 250, but it is something to think about. I wonder how a kid would react to reading this. I felt for him but as an adult it's easy for me to see a kid suffering and wish things were easier, but would another kid look at your mc this way or would they feel he needed to quit yelling at his arm and stop acting out of line? I guess what I'm asking is, is he sympathetic to another kid? And do you care?
I think I would need some departure from this arm scolding to be invested enough to keep reading.
Post by virtualkathy on Feb 3, 2017 16:56:32 GMT -5
Ok, this is so oddball, but it made me laugh, and I would totally want to read on to see what's up with Robert and Lefty. A few nit-picky suggestions to take or leave: In the second sentence I'd trade the not having friends with the getting home late, I think it would create more of a sense of escalation to all of Robert's problems. Also, if not having friends is going to be a theme, landing on it will give more emphasis.
"like she usually did" is a great way to show this is not a new problem.
I'd suggest cutting (and putting in later) "It glued his leg to a desk when model building. It yanked down his bathing suit in swim class. It wedgied the ref during a soccer game. In fact, Robert had been kicked out of every club and booted off every team he’d ever joined." It's funny but after you set up that he'll have to interact with his parents, it derailed me from the action of him going down to dinner and doing that.
I'd love to know what's up with Lefty and why things are this way for Robert, great job getting the story going.
Post by adriannacuevas on Feb 3, 2017 17:00:35 GMT -5
This is so unique! Very humorous and the voice is definitely MG. It's a very intriguing beginning because we're still not sure what his arm really is. I'd definitely read on. The only part that threw me was the last line, "In the dining room..." He had just been talking about not wanting to do down to dinner so I was surprised when suddenly he was there. Maybe some kind of transition/action in between? This is a great start!
I am intrigued to keep reading and enjoy the humor. However, I am confused as to why Robert's arm is not in his control. At first I was thinking turrets, but as I read further I realized it has to me more than that. I love that he calls his arm Lefty. Good luck with this manuscript!