Post by paprlstr8tr on Feb 2, 2017 13:31:04 GMT -5
There was once a very curious, somewhat mischievous, and not at all obedient young girl who lived at the top of the world.
Her name was Miki, which meant “Little” in her language. But everyone called her Miki Yakone because of the red anorak(parka) her grandmother made to keep her from getting lost in the snow.
As she grew older, she was simply Yakone or “Red Aurora”, after the colorful lights which dance in the northern night sky.
“Yakone,” called her mother one day, “Your ataatattiq(grandfather) has taken sick at his uglu(fishing hole). You must take him some food to so he may recover his strength and come home.”
Yakone’s mother packed up some soup she had made from fish bones and a special bannock(cake) with the last of the summer berries.
“Now, Yakone,” her mother said, “You must take these straight to Ata. Do not wander off. Keep the water always by your right hand so you don’t get lost. You will know you are getting close to Ata’s uglu when you can chop the sea ice four times. Ata’s hut is only a short distance from there. Once you have helped Ata eat, you must come home as quick as you can, before the sun dips below the horizon.”
Yakone promised to follow her mother’s instructions. With her small uniek(sled) packed, Yakone was ready to go on her own, proud of her mother’s trust.
I think this is great, but I was disappointed that I didn't get to hear more about Miki to show me that she was curious, mischievous and not at all obedient. I don't think just telling the reader is enough. Or if that distracts too much from the story or makes it too long, I would just start with "There was once a young girl who lived at the top of the world."
My first attempt at replying doesn't seem to have gone through - so this may be a duplicate. I was drawn in to your story because I am very interested in the Inuit and people who live in the frozen north. Your use of native words helps create that sense of place. I would suggest you get into the action more quickly - and show us rather than tell us that Miki is a willful child. Perhaps open with mother calling her to come help and she ignores mother until she hears that grandfather needs her. I definitely want to read more!
Post by paprlstr8tr on Feb 2, 2017 17:01:57 GMT -5
Thank you Dianne and Jjsewell. I left out the illustration notes in order for the text to read more cleanly, but there is a progression of illustrations that shows Yakone getting lost in the snow and her grandmother making her a red coat to help her stand out.
Tanderson - the folktale is actually my own (obviously not the Little Red Riding Hood part;). The story draws from mythology and relationship dynamics inherent in the Inuit culture. I'm not sure how I would deal with or explain that, or if it is even necessary?