Fritzel: Because, if they know I’m a giant, they may not like me. Giants don’t have a very good reputation. See? (Points to copy of Jack and the Beanstalk. Other books of fairytales are present.)
Narrator: Well are you like those giants, Fritzel? Do you “Fe Fi Fo and Fum?”
Fritzel: No. I more “Fumble, Bumble, Stumble and Tumble.”
Narrator: See? You’ve got nothing to worry about. Now, where was I? Oh yes, Fritzel here is in love with a tree. This tree. (Show Fritzel standing a few paces from a tree in summery park)
Fritzel blushes: Whaaat? Why would you tell them that?
Narrator: You are, aren’t you?
Narrator: Exactly. This tree is very special to Fritzel because it’s the first tree he’s ever met. You see, he lives here (show a busy city devoid of trees), where there are almost no trees at all. What do you like about this tree, Fritzel?
Fritzel: She’s strong and tall and lovely. Like a princess.
Narrator: Ah, yes. Like a princess. From your fairytales?
Fritzel: Mmhmm. Narrator: Why don’t you go talk to her?
Fritzel: Oh, I don’t think so. I don’t know what to say. Plus, I’m all fumbly and bumbly. I’m nothing like the knights that princesses fall in love with.
This is so cute! Fritzel seems like such a likeable character.
MG HATCHER HOUSE Query: writeonconforums.org/thread/151/mg-hatcher-house First 250 Words: writeonconforums.org/thread/230/mg-gothic-hatcher-house First 5 Pages: writeonconforums.org/thread/287/mg-magical-realism-hatcher-house
PB O'CONNELL V. O'CONNELL Query: writeonconforums.org/thread/353/pb-oconnell First 250 Words: writeonconforums.org/thread/155/pb-oconnell
Love Fritzel von Snaggletooth the slightly insecure giant! Really like how he is aware of stereotypes against giants. The active narrator and the fun humor reminds me of the best parts of Snapsy the Alligator. Great job and best of luck.
Awww... a bashful giant. What fun! A great name, too. And funny: he doesn't want us to know he's a giant, yet it'll be obvious from the pictures. I also enjoyed the interaction with the a narrator a lot.
At first I thought it was a story about a giant that's insecure about his bad reputation. Then it turned into a love story. Both are interesting plots.
My number one suggestion is to choose one or the other. Either start it off as a love story, and use bad reputation as an obstacle to get what he wants. Or keep it as a bad reputation problem, and save the love story plot for a sequel.
Hope that helps!
PS. Less importantly, I don't think you need all the ILLO notes. Your writing shows us what's happening. Nice work!
Great beginning! I like the shy giant, but am not crazy about his name. Be careful about too many notes for an illustrator. Only include them if it's something that's integral to the story and not obvious from the text. I've often found that I had one picture in my head, but the illustrator came up with something even better.
Post by journeygirl on Feb 4, 2017 20:17:18 GMT -5
Great concept, love the giant's name and the style of writing. Your spelling and grammar are spot on, well done. I agree with dianne regarding the Illo notes, use them sparingly e.g. 'You see he lives here, where there are no trees.' is one that left to an illustrator's imagination could depict something amazing, much more amazing than an everyday city. That is, of course unless it is essential to the story that it be set in a city.