Sabell lived with her Grand-Pop. Pop doted on his granddaughter; always treating her like a princess.
He even painted a portrait of her wearing a crown of flowers.
Each morning Sabell woke up wondering, “Am I a real princess?”
For every night, Sabell dreamt of a palace ball, a shimmering tiara and a crowd of curtseying guests. Surely this was her mind assuring her heart that she was indeed a true princess.
Regrettably, the townspeople didn’t see the girl as a princess and she knew why – they were judging a book by its cover! Everyone saw her ordinary home and believed she was an ordinary girl. [Illustrator Note – Pop’s medical shingle hangs outside their ordinary home.]
Studying the famous princesses, Sabell concluded that kingdoms judged a princess by her castle. Without an eye-catching castle, the townsfolk couldn’t see she was a princess!
The fairy tales gave Sabell an idea. Could magic turn her home into a castle?
Sabell consulted an age-old, golden book: The Yellow Pages. Inside she found a phone number. [I.N. – she finds a number for an ex-Royal Court Magician.]
Sabell voiced her complaints, “Everyone knows princesses live in extraordinary castles. Because my home is ordinary, no one sees me as a princess.”
Sabell listened to the Magician. “To make you a castle to hang your tiara on, you must follow each of my commands. Can you do this?”
Thinking she was going to be instructed to build things like turrets and drawbridges, Sabell declared, “I’m good with a hammer.” “Especially if the hammer were magical,” she whispered.
I love the idea of a little girl wanting to turn her home into a castle - my kids are always using couch cushions to try and do just that! As far as revision suggestions go, I would suggest trimming both in terms of words and in terms of steps to get to the action. This portion feels mostly like set-up, and for a 500-750 word picture book, I think the action could be more underway by the time it gets to word 250. For word trimming, some of the bits like "Sabell voiced her complaints" could be cut - all that's really needed is the dialogue. As far as steps to get to the action, I would suggest making a list of "actions" in your story and see if every step is needed to get from beginning to end, or if some are unnecessary. Also, I like where it is heading - the magician and her assumptions about what will happen are looking to be ripe for laughs. Great job! Hope this helps!