The King's Treasure MG (WIP) Feb 7, 2019 11:53:05 GMT -5
Post by The Mystic Avenger on Feb 7, 2019 11:53:05 GMT -5
Hi Lenny. This is a curious opening... On the one hand I feel that it could be really exciting! After all, Gabe's received a very intriguing text message that speaks of a 'smashing adventure' - what more could you hope for in a middle-grade story? But Gabe himself is so very unexcited by this message - being more worried about getting into trouble and being grounded - that all the excitement generated by the message itself is dissipated! We're seeing from Gabe's point of view (you're using a third person close perspective), which means that the reader takes their cue from Gabe. If he's excited and intrigued, your reader will be too, but if he isn't then the reader tends to feel rather lacklustre about the whole thing as well. Beware of losing your reader's interest before the adventure has even got off the ground! Also, try to avoid falling into the cliches trap. So often authors use a 'mirror' scene to give readers an idea of what the main character looks like. Try to find a new or different way of working this info into your story. Finally, Gabe looking in the mirror and eating breakfast aren't terribly gripping things to happen in an opening scene. Consider opening with a different scene that will allow you to use fresher, more unusual ideas. It sounds to me as though you've got something truly gripping and intriguing in store for readers - the text message is a brilliant foretaste of what's to come - but I'd like to see you making more use of it and opening with a more dramatic/unusual/gripping scene. An interesting start, Lenny - loads more you could do with it, though! Best of luck!